Super Skinner and the Other Chronicles of Skinner
by Shadow's Echo
Summary: Super Skinner is out to save the day when...what's this? He is merely an actor? He refuses to believe it, but his fellow actors hate him so...yeah.
1. Super Skinner

Title: Super Skinner

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own Chris Carter or any characters from X-Files or the actors or their children or their wives or any movies their wives star in....or the Scooby- doo theme song. I do, however, own Super Skinner. I also own the ridiculously stupid, yet, convenient ending.

Chapter 1-The Only Chapter. Unless I decide to do the Chronicles of Skinner which will consist of many of the dumb things skinner has done in his lifetime....Pretty much just a dumb compilation of the things I wrote about him.  
  
The Scooby-Doo theme plays. Super Skinner jumps in out of nowhere! He is here to save the- David: This is stupid, Chris! Super Skinner does not exist, but yet Mitch believes he does? He's a grown man! He knows better and so do you! Why do you let him do it?!

Chris: Look, David, Mitch says he's gonna quit if I don't let him do this.

David: So?

Chris: Good point.

Gillian: Let him quit. He can't survive two days without a job. No one else will hire him, and he spends his money like a six-year-old boy. He won't last.

Mitch appears in his Super Skinner costume (which consists of a purple cape with a Superman-like spandex suit, which is the color purple also. The letter on the front, instead of S, is and M, for Mitch. That is kind of hard to explain, the fact that he is called Super Skinner, but, yet, his costume has an M on it. He is, although, an idiot, and that alone should explain enough.)

Mitch: Hey, Chris, guess what! I have a Super Skinner salute now! Wanna see?

Chris, obviously trying to keep Mitch from feeling hurt: Sure.

Mitch: OK! He puts his right hand into a fist and shakes it in the air above his head. Then he does the same with his left hand. Next he does the mocarrina, horribly. Then he gets down on all fours and sticks his tongue out and barks like a dog. Finally he stands up, kicks his left foot into the air, and smiles.

Chris, Sarcastically: Nice.

Mitch, not noticing any sarcastic tones at all: Thanks! I thought it would look real cool and then I did it in the mirror and it looked even better!

Gillian accidentally lets a small giggle escape her lips. Bad move.

Mitch: You thought it...::starts to cry::...it...was funny? It wasn't! Was it, Chris?!

Chris, on the verge of laughing himself: No!...no...Mitch...it wasn't-

Mitch: It is Super Skinner! I'm in costume! You guys are the only ones who know my secret identity! You can't tell any one! Chris: Oh, oh! Sorry, Mi-- I mean, Super Skinner. We won't let any one know.

Mit—I mean Super Skinner: Good because if anyone finds our then you'll regret it.

He stomps away angrily. All three wait until he is out of hearing distance, and they all fall over laughing.

David, gasping for breath: I wonder...if...he intentionally does this...just to make...make us laugh!

Gillian: Or maybe...he's not smarter than Piper!

They laugh harder.

Piper appears: I'm not smart, mommy?

Gillian: Oh, honey, you're very smart! You are smarter than Mitch, that's what I was saying.

Piper: Ooooh! That's neat! I've never been smarter than a grown up before.

Gillian: You are now, sweety.

Piper gives one of her perfect, pearly white smiles and runs off to play. They continue to laugh.

Next day at work Super Skinner: I am here to...what's my line?

Chris: There is no line. Mitch, you have to understand—

Super Skinner, teeth clenched: I'm in costume.

Chris: _Super Skinner_, you have to understand, this is not a TV show! Super Skinner is just a stupid character that—

Super Skinner starts to cry.

Chris: Oh, no! You don't get me that easy! I am not going to make you a TV show!

Super Skinner cries harder.

Chris: NO!!

Super Skinner blows nose on cape.

Chris:...OK! OK! I'll make you a show, just shut UP!

Super Skinner stops crying and flashes him smile as big as Texas (actually it was a s big as Alaska because Alaska is bigger than Texas. Alaska is the biggest state in the U.S. ((Who says you can't learn geography from fanfics?)))

So Chris makes Super Skinner a TV show called Super Skinner (of course). And (I'd hate to say it but...) the ratings skyrocketed. The ratings were so great it was unbelievable (even to the X-Files). Chris was better a kid shows that he was at...well, anything! David and Gillian were asked by Super Skinner himself to star in the show as co-stars or just guest stars, but, to Super Skinner's dismay, they declined. Piper loved the show. She watched it everyday. She was so proud to know that she was smarter than the greatest superhero ever. Every morning there were crowds around the gates to Mitch's house, the majority being screaming children and overly irritated parents wanting to go home. There was no question about it, Super Skinner was _the_ most loved person in the world.

Mitch loved the attention. But as the years went by the show began to get boring and Super Skinner began to get old. They needed something new and fresh on the show...but what? Then Chris had the idea-of-a-lifetime...Tea Leoni! So Super Skinner was kicked off his show and Tea began her new career as Miss Super Stupid. The show was renamed Miss Super Stupid. The ratings skyrocketed again. Mitch became depressed over loosing his show and relented to killing himself, and the X-Files ratings went up because of this. Tea Leoni later died because she starred in a movie called Jurassic Park IV and one of the mechanical dinosaurs ate her. Both of these things put together made David and Gillian's lives a lot happier. Piper was sad when the show was lost, but regained happiness when Tea died and her mother moved in with David. Well, I hope that was the ending everyone wanted (however stupid it may be). Thanx for readin'!


	2. The Portable Naval Poem

Disclaimer: I don't own Walter Skinner and I believe the story of the portable naval came from someone else. I just made a poem about it for reasons unobvious to anyone (especially me).  
  
In order to understand this story you need to know the following: Walter Skinner has a portable naval (belly button)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Once upon a time in a land far, far away,  
  
There lived a Skinner and his co-workers (or so they say).  
  
His story is short and probably not true,  
  
And he has nothing in common with me, the world, or you.  
  
One fine day, while walking his navel,  
  
He stumbled upon a legless table.  
  
"Hmm," he said while scratching his head,  
  
"I'd have to say that this table is dead."  
  
Right now your response is "Duh! What a moron!"  
  
Of course, you are right, but just let me go on.  
  
Skinner liked the table a lot.  
  
He liked it so much he spit at it his snot.  
  
The table enjoyed the loogy he spit,  
  
So skinner and Table played with it.  
  
They played and played until the day's end.  
  
Then Skinner left shouting "I'll miss you my friend."  
  
And miss it he did with all of his might.  
  
He missed it in day and he missed it in night.  
  
He missed it so much that he just stopped living.  
  
That's what you get for giving and giving.  
  
So remember, my friend, about this short fable,  
  
About a bald man and his best friend, the table.  
  
And do not forget what happens to ones,  
  
Who ignore their navels, daughters, or sons.  
  
(But mostly their navels) 


	3. A Conglomeration of All Who Are Hated

Title: Super Skinner and the Other Chronicles of Skinner

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this crap, especially not the song by Slim Shady…but I own the stories…and Super Skinner…AND I OWN YOU!!!  READ ON SLAVE!!!

Chapter 3- A Conglomeration of All Who Are Hated

Whaa?! My name is—Whaa?!  My name is—Whaa?! My name is—chka chka—Walt Skinner!

Skinner jams to a Slim Shady song, changing the words accordingly.  Now you know what he does in that office all the time.  There is a knock at his door and before you can say cookie he is completely business-like.

Skinner:  Come in.

Diana Fowley, Bambi, Spender, Smoking-dude, Kersh, and Samantha walk in.  Yes, everyone that everyone can't stand.  And together they create:

THE UNJUSTICE FORCE OF OVERALL BADNESS WITH STRANGE WEAPONS/ABILITIES AKA: TUFOOBWSWA

(I know it's a stupid name, you know it's a stupid name, but they like it)

Of this group, we have:

Skinner:  With the ability to be incredibly bald!

Bambi:  With the weapon of non-hurtful bugs!

Spender:  With the ability to be related to everyone!

Smoking-Man:  With the ability to smoke a lot!

Kersh:  With the ability to be extremely anal!

And Samantha:  With the weapon of multiple clones of herself!

Skinner:  Oh NO!  The

JUSTIFIABLE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARALLY DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND ABILITIES/WEAPONS AND SOMEWHAT WEIRDNESS AKA: TJFOEDTUAWAOS

is calling us out for a duel…against them!

The group goes into sheer panic.

The opposing group is:

Scully:  With the ability to raise her eyebrow really high!

Mulder:  With the ability to go crazy at inappropriate moments!

Frohike:  With the ability of extreme ugliness!

Byers:  With the weapon of a suit AND tie!

Langley:  With the weapon of long blonde hair!

Gibson:  With the obvious, and rather useless, ability to read minds.

And Maggie:  With the weapon of smothering motherliness!

The duel begins!

Skinner:  I can feel him reading my mind!  ::he screams in pain::

Bambi:  I will stop him!  ::she throws her bugs on him::

Gibson swats at them:  NO!!!  NOT NON-HURTFUL BUGS!

Scully raises her eyebrow really high in protest to Bambi (which obviously does nothing, she was just adding to the effect).

Mulder, noticing Scully is doing no good, hits Bambi with a chair, taking care of that problem.  Then he runs around like a crazed idiot.

Kersh:  You are stupid.  You are uselessly using up the FBI's funds, holding such duels against us!

Byers:  SHUT HIM UP!!! HE IS HURTING MY EARS WITH HIS EXTEME ANALNESS!!!!!

Langley:  I shall save you!  ::he makes his long blonde hair into a laso and tosses it at Kersh.  But Kersh grabs it and yanks Langley to the ground.  Then Kersh cuts all of Langley's hair off::

Langley:  NO!!! ::he faints::

Frohike: ::seeing this, leaps on Kersh and shoves his ugliness right in Kersh's face::

::Kersh is defeated::

This is when Maggie decides it is time to take out the ultimate weapon.  Her.

She smothers the entire opposing force with her motherliness, saving the remaining heroes on her team.  Little does she know that Skinner escapes her smothering love, and he runs to his hide-out (aka his office).

Skinner:  I will have to get together another team…BUT I SHALL DEFEAT THEM!!!  Little do they know that I have the power and ability to….::Skinner faces you:: …who the hell are you?  How am I supposed to plot things with you watching me?  Honestly.  Okay fine.  That was the most ridiculous story to ever exist.  I know.  If you even read it, I'll be honestly surprised.  But really.  Do you have to be over my shoulder all the time?  Watching everything I do?  I'm just a bald man with glasses.  My life really isn't that exciting.  Sure I'm a great character, but...what?  You don't agree?  I AM TOO!  You don't believe me.  Well, cram it.  This story was only written because there was nothing else to write at the time.  The author has not better ideas.  Did you realize how many characters were only mentioned once?  They weren't even used!  They basically just sat there and died!  The author just sucks, and if she….

Author ::kills Skinner::  What?  He has to die!  He always does!  Admit it!  Everytime he dies you get a rush.  I know I do.  ::evil laughter::


	4. Ode To The Bald Man

Title: Ode To The Bald Man

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own this entire piece of shmit. Except the bald man…Skinner.

* * *

There was once a man.

Bald, he was.

And he loved to work,

Just because.

Behind his desk

He would sit.

And wax his bald head,

Shiney, was it.

All of his agents

Called him A.D.

And all he wanted

Was to be free.

Free from his desk

And his very bald head.

So free, in fact,

That he suddenly said:

"My first name is Walter,

Skinner's my last.

I will escape,

And I will escape fast."

So he ran

As fast as he could.

And he became free

As he claimed he would

He was never seen

Ever again.

So don't ever care

About really bald men.

EL FIN.


	5. The Vault Story

Title: The Vault Story

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Once again…just skinner doesn't belong to me.

* * *

The Skinner of Walt

Purchased a vault

And then he broke it

Yes, it was his fault.

He thought it was metal

Not soft as a petal

And sitting upon it

Would still leave it to settle.

But of course he was wrong

You mustn't sit on it long

For extended sitting

Does not make it strong.

It breaks it to pieces

The tension it releases

From one piece to many

Like from one goose to geeses.

So if you see vaults a lot

I warn, sit on them not

Or you'll end up like Skinner

In an alley, dealing pot.

EL FIN.

_A/N: I decided not to kill him off in this one because it was beginning to remind me of Kenny off of South Park (which I do not own!), which rocks my face off, but Walt can only die a few times before he is an ultimate goner (like a 9-lives thing). So, he lives! (Plus it's hard to make that rhyme yet again!)_


	6. The Little Dickens

Title: The Little Dickens

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: X-files is not mine…nor Skinner…and this one MULDER APPEARS! A DIFFERENT CHARACTER FOR A WHILE! WHAT JOY! I also do not own the song "dancing queen". That is definitely not mine.

* * *

"Dancing Queen" plays in the background. Skinner dances appropriately to it, knowing quite well that he is the dancing queen, young and sweet, only 17. That is, even though he's much older than that. Much too old to be determined by human counting methods, anyway. His office always made the most delightful dancing floor for a boy his…species? caliber? age? stupidity?...yeah, that's it. His stupidity. He was suddenly interrupted by a phone ring.

Skinner: This is Walter…uh huh…yes…uh huh…

Mulder: Sir, I haven't even said anything yet.

Skinner: Yes, Hmm…I see…well, that's nice, and how is the little trooper?...

Mulder: What?

Skinner: How delightful!...I bet he's got a big—

Mulder: SIR!

Skinner: car…and he's doing well, you say?...yes…I see…

Mulder: Who are you talking to?

Skinner: Well, you of course…Thanks for calling…bye.

And with that his conversation was over. Back to his dancing. Yes, Skinner is the master at sucking hardcore, but can you blame him? He's so good at it. But sometimes sucking the most ever does not stop planes from crashing into your house. But he doesn't know that yet. To him, his day still rocks.

Mulder was obviously upset that Skinner would not let him get a word in edgewise during their conversation. So he stormed up to Skinner's office.

Mulder: You suck!

Skinner:Obviously shocked by Mulder's intrusion and hurtful words: I do no such thing!

Mulder: If you weren't so bald I'd kick you.

Skinner: Well, too bad for you, mister. This head can't get much shinier.

Mulder: That's it!

Mulder takes out Skinner's "Dancing Queen" CD and breaks…tries to…smash…bends it slightly. Skinner screams, then faints. He wakes up hours later under a fat man on a park bench. The fat man sees he's sitting on a bald man and leaves. Then Skinner gets hit by a low flying pigeon. It hurts but he is still kickin'. Then he gets hit by a bus, which, you know, kinda stops that. But that's later and he doesn't know about that yet. He runs home to find his house was hit by a plane, then he gets hit by a bus. So he went to heaven, which kicked him out for they do not allow reflective surfaces in the Kingdom of God. And Hell…well…they just got annoyed. So, HE LIVES AGAIN! Then converts to Skinnerism and dies.

EL ENDO!


	7. Dedication

Title: Dedication

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. I am a poor homeless person with a laptop to keep me sane. Therefore I own...the laptop. But I do not own the x-files or anything to do with it.

This entire chapter is dedicated to _the child with no name_. That's right, when you review my stories, you get a whole chapter dedicated to you.

We find our hero amongst the trees, hunting low flying pigeons. Since his last episode with a low flying pigeon he has had a grudge against them. Besides, he needed a toupee. And a toupee from nature would be the most natural form of toupee.

"Come out you little rascals! I know you're here!" he shouted into the sky. A person walking by stared at him with disgust. He was, after all, hunting in the public park. He knew of no other places to find low flying pigeons. Plus he was intending to kill the one that had run into his head in a past life.

"Sir?" the strange person asked. No, this person will not have a sex. Skinner does not see people as male or female. He merely sees then as subordinates.

"How do you know my name?" he asked with suspicion. The strange person looked around at it's family members in confusion.

"I...called you sir..."

"Exactly." And with that Skinner was done communicating with the outside world. He was on a mission of extreme proportions.

"Why are you pointing a gun at the sky? Is this some kind of hold up?" But Skinner did not listen. He could only hear what he thought was the flapping of wings and he started shooting everything. It turned out to be one of his three strands of hair brushing against his ear, but he didn't know that.

The cops came running from all directions, but when they saw that it was a shiny bald man brandishing a gun, they immediately retreated. There is nothing more dangerous than a shiny bald man brandishing a gun, and they knew that from experience. They knew that every cop could be killed instantly if they came within thirty feet of him. And they knew it would all be by accident. Yes...never trust a bald man.

Everyone within thirty feet of him died, of course, but no pigeons were harmed. He immediately forgot what he was doing, however, when the sun came into full view. He didn't want a sun burn on his shiny head. Then it would peel and look all wonky to the other subordinates in the world. Hence the reason for needing a toupee. He ran for cover, but ended up getting hit by a gaggle of low flying pigeons and falling to the ground unconscious.

He awoke hours later in the hospital with a taste for pigeon blood. Oh yes, they had to go. He went to stand up but tripped on every single object in the room (is that even possible?) and ended up falling unconscious again. The nurses felt the obligation to just put the unnamed shiny man out of his misery, and they did so. That's right. He died again. It happens almost every time. You should all be used to it now. Celebrate. There is less glare in the world.

_A/N: I couldn't do this one in script form anymore because they won't allow it. But I tried my best to make it just as stupid and pointless as the others. I hope you all felt it was a waste of your time. If so, I have done my job well. Enjoy._


	8. Skinner does Believe in Something

Title: Skinner does Believe in Something

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own the motto or Skinner. I wish I owned Skinner.

Shiny and reflecting light,

Marching forward through the night.

He can make our dark world bright.

The glare from his head

Can raise the dead.

I know it's stupid, but that's what I said.

He'll come from above,

Filled with shiny love,

Appearing to be the peace dove.

You may see him and you may not, oh,

But you'll feel like you won the Lotto.

He'll be holding one large motto.

He'll hand out fliers.

He is no liar.

He just wants you to know only you can prevent forest fires.

(he died in a forest fire, he just thought maybe you'd be nice and make sure he doesn't next time.)

_A/N: I wrote this for the child with no name again…but I was to lazy to dedicate it. I just want him/her to know that I appreciate them forcing his/her friends read this. It makes me want to write to it again!_


	9. Dancing Queen

Title: Dancing Queen

Authors: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Yeah...I own nothing. It's sad and pathetic. I may have based a character or two on real people...Oops. I especially do not own "You Sexy Thing". I don't even think you could pay me to own that song.

This chapter is dedicated to K-Rocks. Yep, another dedication to another now dedicated fan. See. I told you all that when you review you get a chapter. It was no random occurrence.

We find our hero dancing in his office once again. Yeah, that's about all he does. It's a shame he gets paid for it. If I got paid for dancing...I'd be a stripper...but that's beside the point. His dance was sometimes outrageous, even offensive, and if an agent or his secretary were to catch him he would be embarrassed beyond all rational belief.

"Um, sir?" Scully asked, staring at him.

"Quiet agent! I am dancing!" he snapped back. Scully turned to Mulder who was sitting in the chair next to her. They were supposed to be in a meeting with him. He had called them up there fifteen minutes ago and all that they had done was sit and watch him dance provocatively on his desk while singing to "You Sexy Thing". I guess I was wrong in assuming he would be embarrassed. Forgive me, as the author, for misjudging such a thing. Sometimes it is hard to pre-judge your characters. He finished his song and turned off his radio. He sat in his seat and pulled out a rag to wipe the dripping sweat from his shiny head. The rag was embroidered with gold writing saying "Skinner Dance Power".

"Sir, what did you call us up here for? This is beginning to be ridiculous. Every time you call us up here and every time we just end up watching you dance and sing to some obscure song, and then you ask us why we are here and to leave so you can practice dancing some more," Scully said.

"Agents, why are you here? Leave so I can practice dancing some more," Skinner demanded.

"NO! I'm sick of you doing this. I think you just start dancing for us because you forget why you asked us up here! We want to actually hear you tell us that we are doing our job bad just so we can hear you tell us SOMETHING!" Scully shouted. Mulder nodded in agreement.

"Well, agents, to tell you the truth, I do remember why I asked you up here. I just want to dance. It's my livelihood. Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a dancer," Skinner said. Mulder and Scully decided not to question the obvious fact that he was probably not ever a girl. "I would dance in my room, praying to my particular god that one day I would be a real dancer, on stage, dancing for the world to see. And I am quitting the FBI to become my dream." He got all starry-eyed and animated as he looked into the sky and clasped his hands together. Mulder and Scully didn't say a word, just got up and left. An hour later Skinner stopped being animated and happy long enough to pack up his things. He would miss his office, he knew. They had bonded, it was his original dancing grounds, and he could not have asked for a better practice office. He shed a tear and looked into his secretary's room. A new beginning. He smiled. He danced his way out of the office and to the elevator, out of the elevator and through the doors to the parking garage, all the way too his car. While in his car he danced even. When he got home he danced while he made supper and then later while he was watching TV. He danced in his sleep.

But dancing takes up a lot of energy. And eventually he just died of malnutrition because clearly when you dance that much you need to eat that much. Yeah. He died. Sweet, huh?

_A/N: Yeah, awesome isn't it. And yes...dedication chapters are the best ones. I work harder on those. This one may have a sequel. I'm not sure yet._


End file.
